The design team is happy to reveal one of this year's boldest innovations yet No-Crack Jeans. Please help forward our cause. Thank you! Adrienne Mercante is a Bay Area Designer.
Because plumbers combine an inverted gut-butt ratio with bending over, the visual and the name stuck, especially after several homeowners around the country reported temporary blindness and recurring flashbacks. Ironically, the young men of America find this style fascinating and waddle about daily like denim-ed penguins. Lucky for her my water wand was out of reach. For a woman who challenges propriety in her ready-to-wear, I found her pronouncement cheeky on every level. I continued weeding, laughed politely, pondered the cost of a security fence and tucked in my shirt.
ASOS just introduced its new jeans and, well, there's no delicate way to put this, so: The brand is helping its customers show off the booty with butt crack jeans. The denim, which is billed as "high waisted straight leg jeans with open back " sit high on a wearer's waist, come with a belt, and, yes, have a half-circle cutout at the back, with a pretty dang thin piece of fabric stretching down to cover the crack. Of course, given how many people need a belt just to keep basic fit jeans from sliding down — or who use a belt and yet still aren't successful at keeping their jeans pulled up — it's likely that little strip of fabric will be doing a lot of work. Bless its heart.
There is a time and a place for everything, right? Not really. There is no place for butt cracks and certainly not at work. Our offices have an open floor plan, and groups get rearranged from time to time.